The Heartbreaking Reality of Medical Gaslighting: Why It Needs to Stop

Gaslighting is mind control to make victims doubt their reality. — Tracy Malone

Imagine being in excruciating pain, struggling to function day after day, only to be told by a medical professional—the very person you turned to for help—that your pain isn’t real, or worse, that it’s “all in your head.” This, unfortunately, is the harsh reality for many endometriosis warriors around the world. It’s called medical gaslighting, and it’s a devastating experience that has far-reaching emotional, mental, and even physical consequences.

Medical gaslighting occurs when a healthcare provider dismisses or downplays a patient’s symptoms, often attributing them to psychological factors instead of genuinely investigating the root cause. For those of us with chronic, invisible illnesses like endometriosis, this is an all-too-common experience. Endometriosis, a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside the womb, can cause severe pain, fatigue, and a host of other symptoms. Yet, because it’s an invisible illness—one that doesn’t show up on standard tests or scans—it is frequently misunderstood or outright ignored by medical professionals.

When a doctor dismisses your symptoms, it doesn’t just delay your diagnosis and treatment—it takes a toll on your emotional and mental health. It erodes your trust in the medical system, makes you question your own sanity, and leaves you feeling isolated and hopeless. It’s like shouting into the void, begging for someone to hear you, only to be told that your voice doesn’t matter.

For endometriosis warriors, the average time to receive a diagnosis is 7 to 10 years. Seven to ten years of pain. Seven to ten years of being dismissed. Seven to ten years of wondering if maybe, just maybe, they’re right—maybe it *is* all in your head. And all the while, the disease continues to progress, causing further damage to the body.

One of the most heartbreaking aspects of medical gaslighting is that some doctors genuinely don’t know much—or anything—about endometriosis. Instead of admitting this and referring patients to someone who does, they brush off symptoms, leaving patients to fend for themselves. This ignorance, combined with the dismissal, makes an already unbearable situation even worse.

I wish I could say I’m a stranger to this, but I’m not. My first-ever experience with medical gaslighting came from someone who was supposed to be an expert—a highly recommended endometriosis specialist. I went into that appointment hopeful, believing I would finally find answers. But instead, I walked out devastated.

With my husband by my side, the doctor confidently told me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and that the pain I was experiencing was all in my head. I was stunned. I felt dismissed, invalidated, and broken. What made it worse was that my husband believed him. Hearing him side with the doctor over me—after everything I had been through—was like a dagger to my heart.

The emotional and mental toll of that experience was indescribable. I felt small. I felt unheard. I felt like a fraud in my own body. And it didn’t end there. My marriage suffered greatly because of it. My husband’s belief in the doctor’s word over mine created a rift between us that felt impossible to bridge. At least this rift was short-lived, but it felt like a lifetime to me.

It wasn’t until my symptoms worsened, and I broke down in tears, that my husband began to understand the gravity of what I was going through. I explained how much it hurt to not be believed, to have my reality questioned, and to feel completely alone in my pain. I went to see another doctor, my actual doctor, who had initially referred me to said specialist and guess what? He helped me, seeked answers with me and confirmed that it wasn't all in my head. Thankfully, my husband recognised the error of his ways, and we’ve since worked hard to rebuild the trust that was damaged. But the scars of that experience remain.

Unfortunately, my story isn’t unique. Medical gaslighting is a global problem that affects countless individuals, especially women and those with invisible illnesses like endometriosis, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome. The dismissal of women’s pain has deep roots in societal biases, and it’s something that needs to change—urgently.

Being dismissed by medical professionals not only delays diagnosis and treatment but also affects relationships, self-esteem, and mental health. It isolates patients and leaves them feeling hopeless, desperate for someone to believe them and offer help.

To the doctors reading this: please, stop dismissing your patients. It's not only unprofessional, but it's also harmful and unnecessary. When someone comes to you seeking help, listen to them. Yes, there are people who fake illnesses and symptoms, but they are the exception, not the rule. The vast majority of us aren’t making this up. We aren’t exaggerating. We aren’t being dramatic. We are in pain, and we need your help.

If you don’t know much about a condition like endometriosis, that’s okay. Nobody expects you to know everything. But please, admit when you don’t know and take the steps to educate yourself. Better yet, refer your patient to a specialist who can help them. There is no shame in asking for help—it’s far better than invalidating a patient’s experience and potentially worsening their condition.

Your words have power. The way you speak to your patients can either validate their experience or destroy their trust. Choose kindness. Choose empathy. Choose to be the doctor who makes a difference, not the one who causes harm.

To my fellow endo warriors: If you’ve experienced medical gaslighting, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Your pain is real. Your experiences are valid. And there are people out there who believe you and want to support you. Don’t stop advocating for yourself. Don’t stop seeking answers. And don’t let anyone—not even a doctor—make you doubt yourself.

Lean on your support system, whether it’s friends, family, or an endo support group. You don’t have to go through this journey alone. There are people who understand what you’re going through and want to help you navigate it.

Endometriosis is already an incredibly challenging condition to live with. The last thing any of us need is to be dismissed by the very people we turn to for help. To all the medical practitioners out there: please, let’s do better. Together, we can create a healthcare system that listens, validates, and supports patients—one where no one ever feels like they’re shouting into the void.

And let’s never forget the powerful words of Maya Angelou:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Choose to make your patients feel heard, seen, and cared for. It’s a choice that could change their lives.

Signed

#EndoWarriorH